I was a married single mom from the time I was six months pregnant. I’ll explain. I separated from my ex-husband at six months pregnant, my divorced was finalized when my son was 5 months and I raised my son (my only child) as a single mom his entire life. My ex made in-person random visits periodically for 14 years (after that he went M.I.A.); thankfully, his child support checks checked in monthly. My son will turn 21 on Cinco de Mayo. This is my letter to him. An apology 21 years in the making. Now that he can officially sit and have a drink with me (we’ll both need a tequila shot after reading this), I felt like this was the time to say I’m sorry…sorry for all the mistakes I made during his childhood. Feel free to pass this along to your child or to another single mom. Happy birthday my beautiful baby boy & Happy Mother’s Day.
Just when I thought I couldn’t add anymore to my plate, I decided to dust off an unfinished book while surviving quarantine and these are the final results. F _ _ _ Him! when where, how, the guide to loving on yo man. Available for pre-order now on Amazon and officially available this Sunday, April 11th. Fun fact: the sub-title was almost, when, WEAR, how-as in, what to wear while loving him. But I decided against it. Once you read the book, you’ll know why. Check out the book blurb below. Plus, a sneak peek at the paperback cover coming soon…
With a caveat. Samantha/Kim Cattrall has decided that she will not participate. Oh well, if they’re looking for a character who’s fashionably 50, dating and enjoys a good man–CALL ME!😘💋💋💋 That’s the entire premise of the new Sex & The City–focus on the lives of Carrie, Charlotte & Miranda, in the big apple at 50. I cannot wait!🍸👠
You dated a really nice guy for eight years. No cheating. No lying. No scandalous behavior. For God sakes, he wore “dad jeans.” He was there for you and you were…frankly, bored.
So he left. You then embraced and ran straight into the arms of a reckless, arrogant, rich Playboy. He lies, cheats, embarrasses you, and grabs you in places one should never be grabbed. You know better; but you love it.
So now after four years, you’re starting to feel a lil abused; and you’re contemplating a break-up. You’ve dated badboys before in your 20s. You already know how this roller-coaster romance will end…badly!
But you love the lifestyle, the money.
You’re 45 now–ya got kids. You’re not speaking to half your family because of him and he’s not invited to Thanksgiving.
Is he worth it?
Not to harp, but you’ve told me numerous times, that you’re not “comfy” with his ism’s: racism, chauvinism, and sexism. And you don’t like ANY of his “Proud” friends. He’s begging and pleading to let him come back. Promising to be better and he’ll never do it again…blah, blah, blah!
Once again, there’s another nice, empathetic, kinda goofy, “regular Joe” guy, who is trying to be good to you…love you. He wants to make sure you have rights over your body, have health insurance, clean air and water.
Whatcha gon do?
*feel free to share this image below with your friends.*
I just turned 50 and wanted to discuss sex. Why? For whatever reason, people don’t think or hate to think of so-called “old women,” having sex! I tried to dispel some of the rumors…see if you agree…or if you see yourself in my story.
I still got that WAP…”but it ain’t no whore in this house.”
No bootie calls for me.
I don’t have situantionships.
I have lovers…one man at a time.
A man who loves me…a man who cares about my well-being…a man who brings me flowers.
A man who sends for me…to meet in some far-away place.
I’m not a one night stand girl–never have been.
I am very picky.
I have fewer partners…but much better sex.
Dammit, less REALLY is more!
I find direct eye contact mesmerizing.
I practice the ancient art of feminine wiling.
I’m comfortable talking about sex (clearly).
I know how to make love to a man.
My head game is strong…
I know that I must get in a man’s head way before I get in his bed.
I know that making love is a 24hr endeavor.
I know that making love involves the love he gets from me via: texts, phone calls, my respect for him and making him feel desired long before the sun begins to set…or when it begins to rise…or a delightful sunny afternoon.
Sex at 50 is more about a connection.
And sometimes my Wi-Fi doesn’t always connect.
Meaning, I don’t always have an orgasm…and that’s ok.
I can have great sex with a man and orgasm will escape me.
But I know how to capture it later…alone.
At the same time, I don’t criticize or judge if a lil blue pill is needed.
And when things go awry (and they will), laughter is not embarrassing–but erotic.
Sex used to be an event.
Now it’s an experience.
Experiences are quite memorable…they linger.
Events are by nature, short-lived…they fade.
I still feel like a curious 18 year-old, average American girl…above average that is.
That‘s what 50 brings…a whole lotta self congratulations minus the cheap bragging.
I realize that my time to feel sexy and sassy will be fleeting…by society’s standards.
Today 50 really is the new 30.
Much thanks to women like Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry.
I’m hoping to say this at 70…that 70 is the new 50.
Maybe at 70 I will actually feel 50.
I don’t think I will ever stop enjoying the feel of a man…
A good tender kiss.
My hand being gripped by his, while he stares into my eyes.
I know to some who are younger, to think of 50 year olds having sex is a repugnant thought.
I used to feel the same way.
Brad Pitt is 56, Idris Elba is 48 & George Clooney is 59–still sounds yucky?
I have more life behind me, most likely, than what I have ahead of me.
I’m not on any dating sites like “Our Time.”
I’m on my time.
In the words of another cinematic“Pretty Woman”: “I say who, I say how, I say when.”
Sex and the Single girl at 50 is something I never thought I would utter
Or that would ever apply to me.
Sex yes, being single-no.
And that’s another thing about turning 50…I have hella patience.
I’m not rushing anything: the universe, connections, foreplay, traffic jams or a husband.
Did I mention foreplay? It’s refreshing & hot pretending to be like teenagers, trying to refrain from “going all the way.”
I will wait.
I will delight in this moment…and the next.
I will have sex.
I will enjoy all the pleasures of life…C’est mon plaisir.
*This article first appeared inside the October issue of Ms. Heel Magazine.*
Congrats are in order to our founder and editor in chief, Velicia Hill for her part in the ensemble cast for OWN’s Network show: Black Women Own The Conversation: Motherhood. The show won for Outstanding News Discussion & Analysis.