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12th Day Of Valentine’s Day: A Sugar Daddy?

Alright, let’s just cut to the point: MONEY! What Ms. Heel wouldn’t enjoy a boatload of cash as a gift for Valentine’s Day? Or better yet, money all year long, from her favorite “Uncle Joe?” Especially in this economy. Haven’t you heard? It’s hard out here for a single princess!😉💸

Read along…I’ll explain.

According to the Urban Dictionary, “Uncle Joe” is the unofficial name for President Joe Biden. If we hop on the ol’ way-back-when machine to 2020, you’ll recall, stimulus checks in the amount of $2000 were handed out to every American that filed a tax return and made under a certain income. I don’t know about you, but when that deposit hit, many found themselves shouting, “Thanks Uncle Joe!” Clearly, you’re not alone in this sentiment. Recently, after randomly walking into a conversation between four single women, I found myself listening intently to their jokes about the real stimulus checks saving this economy, that are not coming from Uncle Sam or Uncle Joe, but from their boyfriends and/or lovers…and yes, that included a few married men as well. Men giving women money isn’t new. But it is something that seems to be a lot more prevalent these days. Maybe it’s the amount of money that’s being exchanged that’s different from yesteryear. How much you ask? It’s not dollars, but thousands that are being handed out monthly to cover things such as: astronomical rents, car payments, entrepreneurial ventures, child expenses (tuition & daycare fees), and even Olympic training dreams! I have to admit, I was expecting these gossip-worthy money tales to be markedly more salacious; but what I learned is that these relationships are sacrosanct…dare I say-heartfelt love stories. The real question though-why?

Why do so many single women depend on a boyfriend or lover to survive this economy? Well for starters, men are paid on average more than women. Most of the laws being written about the role of government assistance in our lives, often referred to as socialism, are being written overwhelmingly by Republican men…who tend to be very parsimonious. Meanwhile, college tuitions, rents, gas, prescription drugs and food are all skyrocketing and yet, the national minimum wage remains at $7.25 per hour. That’s just cruel. Not to mention, the “good credit” game that prevents many from getting ahead, i.e., buying a home, which is the Autobahn to building wealth. The aforementioned single women are all working jobs and teetering on middle class…most economists would describe them as the working poor. Being poor/working class in America seems to be a business model by design that so many companies profit from.

“What’s not by design is the misconception that women who accept cash from men are Sugar Babies or that the man is a Sugar Daddy. Yes, there’s usually a sexual relationship, but from what I garnered, these women made it very clear, that it was not a cheap exchange of sex for money.”

Some would call these exchanges transactional.Makes me wonder, what happens when there’s an argument or a huge blow-up? Does the woman have to hide her true feelings and/or bite her tongue, so-to-speak, in order to keep the funds coming in? How does one live a life like that…so much on the edge? (On second thought, aren’t we all proverbially living on the edge with any given corporate job? Layoffs are the norm when profits are low or restructuring/mergers takes place.) And what if the man is married? That’s a whole other problem.

Ahhh, but before you judge, one such woman has been in a relationship with her married lover for over 5 years. She loves him and has no expectations of him leaving his wife to start a new life with her. According to her, what they share is a mutual understanding and deep friendship. He’s her biggest supporter both financially and emotionally as she pursues her master’s degree that he pays for ($3500) every month in cash, to escape the spying eyes of his wife at home.

“I did inquire if she felt guilty about having an affair with a married man. Her response was quite the eye-opener. She seems to think the wife knows of her and said, “We both love him, we both know and we’re both staying with him for the lifestyle. Wifey gets the clout, I get the cash.”

I will not pretend to deny that some women do accept cash for sex. But what made me even begin to think this story was news-worthy and would survive my own editorial cut, was the way the women talked about these men-very lovingly. I detected genuine sincerity.

Additionally, the men these women are dealing with, from what I could discern, didn’t seem to think or behave as if they were being used. Matter of fact, I was told the men eagerly supported these women through their various endeavors. Before you even ask, yes, some of the men are very wealthy. Others, just your average working Joe. One girl is dating a professional sports player. She showed me text messages from him sending heart emoji’s to her along with random five-figure Cash App deposits. Speaking of Cash App, sending money has become very easy to do whether you’re doing it on the down-low or conspicuously out in the open. No longer do you have to rely on bank checks or worry about inquiring bank teller eyes. You now have Zelle, PayPal, the previously mentioned Cash App, Venmo, Apple Cash, Google Pay or he simply makes you an additional card signer on his accounts. If there’s a Will…Tommy, Steve or Greg that wants to give a girl money, trust me-there’s a way!

So what’s the catch? In my opinion, I believe these men are getting something invaluable in return. Perhaps it’s love, companionship and/or great sex, which clearly, doesn’t come cheap…with thousands of dollars being exhanged-these are NOT cheap thrills! A quote by Maya Angelou is my best guess: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Evidently, how these women make these men feel is priceless.

But for a less philosophical, highfalutin answer-simply ask him. Start by asking him for a cup of Joe and ask “Joe” to pay for it.

What say you Ms. Heel?

*This article first appeared in the Nov-Jan 2023 issue of Ms. Heel Magazine*

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