Say it ain’t so…🥴 yikes!?! I don’t know if that’s the route I’m trying to take… jk or maybe not. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad (inserts daddy issues), I just don’t think I would like to marry a man exactly like my dad. 🧐 Although he did buy me my first pair of mules (before I knew what they were called); along with the matching purse from the now defunct Payless. They were black pleather mules (now known as vegan leather), with a row of colorful flowers going across the toes. I wore those shoes almost everyday in 6th grade until literally, the bottom soles came off! I had no idea that the click-clack sound my mules made as I walked down the halls, was a bug and not a feature.
Ok, back to my daddy. I do appreciate all the lessons learned and the tough love; but I’d rather keep the man that I kiss on the cheek separate, from the man that kiss on the lips! Or can I at least pick and choose which characteristics they can have in common and what commonalities to toss?
For those not from the mother continent, African fathers aren’t the most affectionate of men; and I absolutely NEED that with the man I give my heart to. I’m a sucker for kisses and random hugs! And when it comes to being providers, making sure the family’s finances are straight–African daddies can’t be beat. Moreover, within the pages of my history book of the men that I actually claim to have dated (probably two chapters), most have been providers like my father, but then there were some that didn’t give unless I asked…..“closed mouths don’t get fed” type of operandi. I’d rather a man give both money and affection because he wants to. Not because I had to ask for it (I actually hate asking). So yeah, this is a trait that’ll I’ll keep and toss into the MUST have pile.
HELLO FUTURE BOYFRIENDS: I want to be treated like a Princess!
I have a theory. I think most older women who are daddies girls, tend to marry men just like their fathers and have healthier relationships with men, because they grew up in an environment where a man was treating them like a princess. But it can be a little difficult in my generation (Y) to find that man. Why? Hell they don’t make them like they used to! And I’m not handy–I’m not into renovating, reinventing and re-imagining a man.
Therapist Dr. Judith Wright is quoted saying: “Even if women have had bad relationships with their fathers they will apparently still go for a similar type of man because they think they can fix it and do a better job this time around.” [source-article in the Daily mail Uk]
Whew chile, Dr. Wright, feels like she was talking to me with this one!
Unfortunately for those of us with the daddy issues, we tend to fall for those emotionally unavailable men or fixer uppers that we think we can change or make better. When really that’s not our place. And what we should really be focused on, is building healthy relationships within ourselves and not trying to build a man!
So don’t mind me. Imma be over here building my brand. Hell, I might even build-a-bear (a little bored these days), but you will not ever see me trying to build a brother. O and those daddy issues. I plan on leaving them issues right where I can see them–at my mama’s house.
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